Get Your Free Boobs Here!

Boob jobs, as you probably know, are expensive—around $4,000 and up—and insurance companies typically won’t pay for augmentation that’s not linked to breast reconstruction after cancer or injury (it wasn’t until the passage of the federal Women’s Health and Cancer Rights Act in 1998 that insurance companies even ponied up for that). Since women with silicone breast implants need follow-up MRIs to make sure that implants aren’t leaking (which can be symptomless), all that self-improvement—especially if it’s strictly cosmetic—can add up.

I guess that’s why some women are finding unusual ways to fund their bigger racks: a site called MyFreeImplants.com matches “ladies” who want bigger breasts with “gents” who are happy to pay for them. The benefactors donate from $5 to $500 at a time to help the women realize their cosmetic surgery dreams, says site founder Jason Grunstra. They can also send messages to the ladies of their choice at about $1.20 a pop (a buck goes into the woman’s bigger boob account and 20 cents goes to the site, which also accepts advertising). When a bigger-bust seeker “earns” enough by corresponding with these men (and most exchange breast-oriented photos and videos as well as chit-chat), a check is sent to the plastic surgeon of her choice.

“It’s really a win-win for everyone,” says Grunstra, who still has his day job as a Web developer until the site makes more money. “Women from all over the world think it’s the most brilliant idea, and call me a genius on a pretty regular basis.”

Oh, puh-lease! Grunstra may cast his business as a do-gooder charity, but it’s a commercial site run by men that takes advantage of women who don’t feel good about their bodies. At least that was my initial gut assessment of his business model. I felt sorry for the women who seemed reduced to carrying on male-pleasing peep-show antics in exchange for bigger male-pleasing boobs.

But after reading some of the women’s happy post-boob-job posts, the feminist in me is torn. After all, the women end up getting what they want with a lot less hassle and debt accumulation than if they had to take out a loan. So does the site represent a brave new world of boob liberation or exploitation? You tell me.

And what if the shoe were on the other foot or, more accurately, the silicone in the other sex? More than 400 men got pectoral implants in 2006 (a 99% increase from the year before) and 440 in 2007, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. These implant procedures are even more expensive (about $8,000 on average) than those for women, and insurance won’t cover them either.

So maybe MyFreeImplants.com should be an equal opportunity funder and let ladies pay for gents’ new boobs. Would I enjoy being a sugar mommy to some financially strapped concave-chested Hugh-Grant type who wanted the pumped-up pecs of his dreams? Well, maybe. But if you believe your Cosmo (and who doesn’t?), women (unlike men) don’t care all that much about chest size—they just want the guy to have a good sense of humor. And as far as I know, they haven’t invented an implant for that. When they do, I know a few people I’d be more than happy to donate to.

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