I miss the perky eggs of my youth. I walked around in my teens and 20s with all of these marvelous eggs primping in my ovaries, just waiting for their 15 seconds. But as I approached 30, I was too distracted by the process of creating a PR agency—my “baby”—to think about trying to have a real one.
At the very least, I should have frozen a few of those suckers. If anyone ever got the technology right, those eggs would’ve had a chance to be my kids. But as it is, I’m staring down 37 and asking my body to try to get pregnant again, au naturel.
I don’t usually feel old, but when you spy the words “advanced maternal age” on your medical chart, it’s as if the medical profession is secretly laughing at you. “Look at the old biddy and her beat-up eggs, trying to have a baby at her age.” (Advanced maternal age, by the way, means that you’re over 35, and your risks of birth defects or complications during pregnancy and labor are rising.)
Carousing through my 20s, it didn’t occur to me to hurry up and have children. Sipping wine on transcontinental flights, I pored through the birth announcements for women over 40 in People magazine, naive to the fact that many of them employed multiple forms of assisted reproductive technology to get there.
Now I realize that the Spears women are the only celebrities getting pregnant unassisted these days. And unless there is some egg-duplicating substance in the Southern California water, some of these famous twins may have less to do with twins running in the family than with twins running in IVF cycles.
But no one tells you this when you’re slaving through graduate school, planning to have children “someday.” It comes as a total shock—once you locate your “someone” and reach “someday”—to learn that your eggs, as you approach 40, are getting older too.
Next page: My aging eggs and miscarriages
Comments (13)
Yahoo—I’m the first to comment on your BLOG on Health.com!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Four? Possibly four little Kains? You never said FOUR!!!!
By the way, Health.com—Erica is a fantasticly entertaining, witty writer and an even better friend. You’re lucky to have her as part of the Health.com family and I look forward to reading a blog on raising FOUR extremely advanced little brainiac Kainiacs.
What brilliant, clever, well informed writing. I’ll be forwarding this to grateful friends….
Awww… congrats on your new writing gig, Erica!
Very cool–Who knew all that journalling at 2 am in college would lead to something! Novella of essays next?
What a fabulous article, Erica. I also wonder how to encourage our daughters to pursue advanced degrees, seek the jobs of their dreams, and wait for THE right mate to come along…but don’t forget to have your kids young! As I approach 38, (finally) pregnant with #3, however, my mother reminded me that it has always been common for women our age to have children at “advanced maternal age” (not her term, of course). Her mother had her 6th child at 43, etc. They usually called them “oops” babies. Turns out that their “oopses” are part of our plan! Best of luck and eat your yams!
Go get ‘em sister. Good luck and glad to be along for the ride.
You rock it girly (though, I guess at your age–haha, which is pretty much MY age too–are we too old to be called ‘girly?’)!
Love the article…keep up the wonderful work–both the writing and the raising kids part :-)
I dont want to be the sour puss on this page after reading all those lovely congrats to you. (by the way congrats :)) But i am one of those women struggling to have a baby. Im 38 and ive been trying for 3 years. Ive had 4 rounds of clomid with IUI’s and one miscarriage. For people like me who dont have ins. that will cover treatments they cost me 3000 dollars a try. Inbetween we try on our own. My heart breaks on a monthly basis and the strain its put on my faith and my marriage are frightening.Is there any concrete advice on diet or meds or mental help for those of us without the perky eggs? I think women like me need more hope and the soaring price of fertility help to come down a bit. To all who want a child and are past the age of “ease” My prayers are with you.
Great writing. Love this: “So, with the recent return of my period after giving birth six months ago, I am back in the saddle, riding along with a sack of aging eggs at my side, a hope in my heart, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to get pregnant, even at my age”
I was what you might call wicked AMA, at least for my second child which I had at 40. My mom was 42 when she had me so she was my inspiration. Good luck.
i feel your pain, Dawn M. i’ll be 40 in a few days. we were blessed 3 yrs ago to have a beautiful daughter (after a year of trying) and we would have loved to have a second but my time has passed. at nearly 40, i’m already menopausal..haven’t had a period in almost a year. we tried all the massive injections of fertility meds, IUIs, etc. to no avail. it makes me really sad that i couldn’t give my daughter a sibling but grateful that we were able to have at least one. when she’s older i’ll tell her not to wait too long. my mom also went thru menopause at an early age. just bad luck i guess.
I was really empathizing with you until you said you already had 2 children. Be grateful for what you have.
I am 44 and still hoping, though I have adult children. I have an aunt who is 11 months older than I am and grandma will turn 91 this month. She was a devout Catholic and they kept separate beds, no assistive technology. So do the math and hope as long as you like!
Great writing! I too had a baby in my forties and I saw the “advanced maternal age” on my chart. Geez, felt like I should be put in a nursing home!