In our house, there are two kinds of allergies. There are our son Graeme’s multiple food allergies and there are our daughter Elise’s recently developed sympathetic allergies.
Over the last six months, we’ve learned a lot about how to manage Graeme’s condition; I’ve even learned how to bake without essential ingredients such as wheat, eggs, and corn starch.
But Elise’s problems are more esoteric. For example, she’s recently announced allergies to aliens, beavers, and throw-up—mainly other people’s vomit, but she’s pretty certain she’s allergic to her own as well. She also frequently complains about phantom headaches, tummy aches, and pain in her elbow. Being 4 years old, it’s hard for her to keep track of which elbow hurts.
Naturally, her alleged allergies amount to good old-fashioned sibling rivalry, exacerbated by the attention that Graeme’s allergies get. He can watch his favorite cartoon during his twice-daily aerosols for asthma. He’s served special food. And everybody’s always concerned about him.
Elise may wish we lavished a similar kind of attention on her, but there’s no way she wants to live with the hassle that necessitates such care. (And who would choose to go without peanut butter cookies? Not me.)
There are things we do to mitigate these feelings of neglect—besides trying not to laugh at her latest “allergy.” For one, we’ve made a point of educating her about Graeme’s allergies. She knows, for example, that Graeme can’t have bread (it contains wheat) or candy (corn syrup and possible peanut cross-contamination).
We also let her take part in his treatments. Sometimes she gets to hold Graeme’s aerosol mask on his face (that’s her in the picture). And I enlist her “help” when I’m baking for Graeme. She’s a big fan of licking the bowl, and since we don’t cook with eggs, we don’t have to worry about salmonella!
We also take Elise for special treats, like peanut butter ice cream (which happens to benefit other members of the family who shall remain nameless).
Besides helping her feel included, we hope there’s an added benefit to encouraging her to take part in Graeme’s care: We’re training her to help him take care of his needs when we’re not there. And if her allergies to beavers and aliens become more serious, we’ll do the same for Graeme.
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