I did not need to see blood yesterday. But there it was on the toilet paper, brown and terrifying: the unmistakable sign of vaginal bleeding during pregnancy.
Earlier in the week, I’d called my OB’s office because I’ve had intermittent cramps—set low in my abdomen—that come and go and scare the living daylights out of me since they can be a sign of miscarriage. And even at 14 weeks, a failed pregnancy is not completely out of the question for me (or anyone else for that matter).
“Is there any bleeding?” the nurse asked.
“No.”
“There is absolutely no bleeding?”
“No bleeding at all.”
“Well, then, I think these cramps are simply your uterus expanding,” she said. (Some cramping is a common symptom in early pregnancy.) “Call me right away if you have any bleeding.”
So when my vaginal bleeding started, then accelerated, yesterday, I paged my doctor after hours.
“Is it bright red?” he asked.
“No, it’s still brown.”
“Did you exercise yesterday? Intercourse? Heavy lifting?” he asked. I scoured my mind, hoping that I’d gone to an aerobics class without telling myself.
“No,” I concluded.
“Hmm, I want to check you out first thing in the morning. But call me immediately if it turns red.”
With Howard Hughes–like repetition, I checked for red blood obsessively until I fell asleep, and I reported to my doctor’s office for an ultrasound first thing the next morning. The bleeding had ruined two pairs of underpants but had tapered off by the time I climbed onto the examining table.
When the nurse didn’t ask me for my weight or a urine sample, I knew they were taking this turn of events seriously. With my history, the cramps, and the bleeding, they were no longer certain the pregnancy was a sure thing. They wanted to find a heartbeat right away. The doctor didn’t mess around with Doppler; he went straight to the big ultrasound machine.
Next page: I did this to myself?
Comments (9)
So, I have been reading about your constant, never-ending worry during this pregnancy and I feel truly and deeply sorry for the mental anguish it is causing you. Do you believe in God? I have always found this Gandhi quote to be helpful in combating my anxiety . . . “There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.”
Worry is a natural byproduct of pregnancy. We just want everything to be okay. I’ve also read that the worry/anxiety, especially in those crazy pregnancy dreams, is our minds’ way of preparing for any eventuality.
Anyway, glad everything is okay. No sex determined yet with all those scans you’ve been getting? I’m totally waiting for a penis sighting.
No kidding about a potential penis sighting. I’ve been staring at the monitors whenever I get a chance like this, but so far, no dice. If I had to put money on it, I’d say “girl.”
Erica, I said it before and I will say it again. You are really a funny pregnant woman. I love reading your posts! Keep them coming! Tell that baby to keep up the good work. Hope to catch up with you soon. When is your due date?? Cheers! Shay
Hey — my official due date is May 31, but I’m telling myself June. Thanks for the nice words!
I am so happy to hear that all is still on track despite the horrible scares.
I have by no means been through as much as you, but am currently in my 7th week after having a miscarriage 3 months ago. I too fear the worst at every cramp and odd feeling. I also had a little bleeding and was terrified. But so far, so good.
If all goes well, our due date is July 19th. So we’ll be right on par together next time you all come to Munich!!
Wishing you all the best. Thinking of you!
Your blog is fantastic. Once again, you are a great writer!
I haven’t read all your posts so I don’t know exactly what you’ve been through yet but I totally sympathize with you! I don’tthink I ever went a day through my two pregnancies w/o checking for blood every time I went to the bathroom! I had two miscarriages before I had my daughter and finally it was discovered that I had a progesterone imbalance. Clomid helped that but I still bled from my cervix when I was pregnant. I had a third miscarriage when I got pregnant by accident after I weaned my daughter. And I bled during my successful pregnancy with my son too. I was lucky that my doc would let me come over and listen to the heart beat when I got freaked out or if I hadn’t felt the baby move for a period of time. And my babies weren’t active enough for my liking! Luckily I always felt great and had no morning sickness which is usually a sign of a good pregnancy. You’re not the only one! My son’s godmother had the same problems and we shared stories of checking for blood with q-tips! Good luck and hang in there!
Q-tips! That’s funny (in retrospect only, I’m sure) Glad to know I’m not alone!!
Erica K, I really appreciate running across what you wrote. It was exactly was I was looking for today!
I am so nervous about my pregnancy. This is my 4th pregnancy but I only have one 4 year old daughter.
The last miscarriage was in my 2nd trimester. For this pregnancy I am taking Prometrium for low progesterone. What’s scaring me is that I am cramping pretty consistently and that was the beging of the end of my last pregnancy. I don’t have any bleeding unlike last time.
I am trying to smile and enjoy what I have right now. I have tried for a very long time to get as far as I am right now.I also have a wonderful daughter that deserves a happy Mom. I keep telling myself that even if I lose the baby if I stay happy and grateful for what I got I would have at least been a happy loving home for my little one as long as I got to be. It is easier said than done. I would be totally crushed and I am not sure that I would try again.
I don’t want to call and bother my friends and family all day every day with how worried I really am. So I try to keep it under control. I have no idea what is “best”. I find my self feeling like it’s a secret how scared I am. I don’t want to talk about it to other people. It’s like if I say what I am afraid of it will come true.
So when I start worrying I try to find something to read or distract me with. And I do have RAGING constipation.I think that the prospect of my cramps being caused by the constipation makes me feel better.
I sure hope everything goes well for you and your sweet little bundle in the oven.
Thanks for the smile!
Ari